Lamar calls again

• he wouldn't stare at me and I wouldn't look at him.
• He wouldn't try to talk to me.
• If he had to he would wear a mask.

And the playful tone he had on the phone really pissed me off. I was like "Is he really serious? Is this my now?"- Hunnii I was too through with him. Because it seems like he is not taking me seriously and is taking me for a joke. I let him know that I was not coming back until I was ready to start our friendship over. Where the hell do you get off trying to put me in situations where I would have to be around you? You know how to do your own hair! And He knows that he is not gonna have me in his house and not talk to me or look at me. So i don't even know why he offered that. I am not ready to see Cakes. And if I were stupid enough to even humor him and say yes, I would have scratched his scalp while the relaxer was in it. So when his scalp started scabbing it would spell my name. And that would be the f*ckin' T' on that.

Stunts like this are not going to make me come back. They are just gonna push me away until I stay away. Maybe that's what he wants. I don't think he wants my friendship b/c if he did he would try to understand how he has hurt me. Acknowledge that he has done wrong. Use this time to work on himself and the company he keeps if he really wants genuine friendships and healthy relationships. Give me my f*ckin' space. And take me seriously.

A change has to happen if we are going to be better friends. We can't keep doing the same things over and over. No more tit for tat. And from the looks of it. He probably thinks we are going to fall into old habits. I don't want that anymore. Cakes needs to meet me halfway and show me that he wants us to be friends again. ...This is gonna hurt me to say this but if he doesn't want to work things out in a positive manner, then I guess there is nothing to work out and I'm gonna have to let him go completely.

He can't even show me that he cares about me or this friendship. I wish he would use this time wisely instead of trying to toy with me. I guess the truth is a hard pill to swallow. It's easier to repress, but his actions are doing nothing but keep me away.

NO TEA, NO SHADE, ...NO VACATION

And if ur wondering if I called him back and said yes. I did not. I felt there was no need to reply when they answer was so obvious.

In other news i went and got my face waxed. And then I decided to stop and see a friend of mine. Guys why did a man call me out and ask to get to know me. Then asked for my number. I was like sure w/e. I'll leave it up to him to call me though. I'm curious to see if he would.

Books on Men, Men on Me

Lamar Calls

Ok so last night I see I have a voicemail. So I check it and it's from Lamar. So I was listening to it. and I was like I'll listen but I won't call him back. Well that was until I heard him crying. So I was like oh no. It turns out lamar was held at knife point and got robbed by his company. So I was like "Crap! Should I call or not?"- So I phoned a friend. I got her voicemail. So as I talked to it I was like....I'm just gonna call him. I'm a softy.

So I call him and see if he's ok. He didn't think I would call. He thought he deleted the voicemail so it wouldn't send. So I asked him if he was okay and we talked for a bit. He seemed ok, but when I tried to get off the phone he said he didn't want me to. So then he asked me how long I was gonna distance myself from him. and i told him i would come back when i was ready. So He asked me if I still loved him, and I said yes.

So then he wanted to ask me if I still loved him after everything that he has become and done. and I asked him why we were talking about this stuff? There is no going back after our talk. We are just gonna be friends. So I was like well aren't you a changed person? Why are you stuck in the past? Focus on your present and future. So then he goes "John take me back! I miss us! When I talk to you I'm happy"- and I was like I didn't call to talk about us. I called to see if you are ok and then get off the phone. So when you're ready I'll hang up.

All these stunts and shows! You sealed the deal when we had our talk that made me want to drink for a week. Which i pretty much did. So I was like bump him. You can't go back and undo what you did. I am on a break from you. and I was doing so well until he called me crying. But his number is still blocked. And I let him know I was not coming back until I was ready and there was nothing he could do or say to change that.

I hold the power to change our friendship he has to really shape up for me to come back. I think now he is relaizing my worth and he was hoping that I would have cooled down by now. But we are going on week 3 and you have not heard from me and you're starting to sweat. Don't mistake my kindness for a weakness. I know that I am a good friend and I don't need your validation! LOL

And the way he was acting proves that he had a hidden agenda to what he was saying. he probably felt like he couldn't be himself around me and wanted to cut loose for a bit. and now he wants me to come back. Well not he has to deal with the mess he has made. I'm living my life and enjoying my friendships and he is free to do him.

But I think next time I'm not gonna pick up the phone. It's just that was pretty serious. I told him to be careful of the company he keeps. So next time he can call his mom and tell her why he's crying.

Conversing

Friday has set the tone

OK So here I am at work on a Saturday morning, and I have to pee. I'm dancing in this chair while I wait for the room to empty so I can fly down the hall and free the beast! OMG I feel like there is a tsunami in my bladder! LOL

Anywhoo I normally don't work Saturdays, but I am covering for someone and plus I could use the extra coin. I still have X-mas gifts to buy. I'm gonna be praying and stretching. LOL

OK Friday must have set the tone for my weekend and what's been going on. My mom had a headache and sent me to the store for some excedrin. So I go to the first corner store and I grab a juice and I noticed a man looking at me. So in my head I'm like "awwww sh*t not today..."- So i get out of dodge and head for the counter to pay for my juice and ask for the excedrin and the cashier says they don't have it. So I pay for my juice and head to the next corner store.

So I finish my juice and I arrive at the next corner store. I throw my bottle away in a dumpster and all of a sudden a man on a bike rides up behind me and starts talking to me. I didn't hear him at first so I was like "what did you say?"

And his reply was ...."Why does your a** shake like that?"- It was the man from the previous corner store. Jesus take my wheel! So I was like well I'm sorry if it caught your eye, but that's just how I walk. IDK what else to say? So then I guess he was trying to talk to me, but i was cold. I wanted to get the excedrin and go home. So I walked into the store and left him outside to wait. But a guy he knew came out and he didn't want his friend to know he was waiting on a guy so he left. Which was lucky for me b/c I did not want that man following me to my house. But his pick up line really tickled me.

Then today when I was walking to my bus stop. This guy who has been infatuated with me since he took PSY101 stops his car and offers to take me to work. He's like 50 yrs old and any chance he gets he still comes in to see me to ask me if I am ok? or he'll stare and watch me from a distance. And I only have myself to blame for this b/c my considerate a** had to be the one to tell him his fly was down. Everyone else was scared to and I just said it. I didn't want to be rude and decline the ride, but I didn't have to b/c he was going to the campus downtown and I was going to brighton. I was saved by the location. LOL. That car ride would have been uncomfortable.

Well today my plans are to go to 2 Bday parties. I really don't like going to parties but it's for family so I gotta go. I have to go to my lil' cousin's party which should be cute. Then I have to go to my other cousin's party. I don't know how to feel about his party. He's gay just like me, but the crowd he hangs out with isn't my cup of tea. But nevertheless I will go and show my face b/c I love him and I haven't seen him in awhile.

Sunday. IDK maybe I'll go to church. And maybe i'll get a day off from stupid men hitting on me. LOL